FLIPTOP makes me smile c:

another messed up day ..
i was supposed to do my chores but still got no energy ..
the prob about my peeps makes me weaker and weaker each day ..
but i'm still hoping that it will back to normal soon ..
being too depressed ,
i don't have any reason to smile or laugh ..
shit happens and it passed as if it doesn't appear at all ..
this typical day really is as boring as hell ..
sitting at the couch holding my lappy ..
posting on my favorite Facebook page and waiting for the people's likes and comments ..
this is my ordinary day ..
but i promised myself that would work harder to show 'em that i still go competence ..
but where the heck on this fvckin' earth will i get my inspiration to do that ..
i was completely lost and i'm at the point of giving up ..
everything messed up and everything fvcked up like "what the eff? what have i done?"
i'm completely useless and as stubborn as rock ..
and just by now,
i saw a friend of mine accepted the sibling request from my other peep ..
i was like, "hey! did she send me one also? bet not."
it was really devastating but what's the point of frowning?
i will mess more if i continue to act like this..

too much ideas, and too much problems..
at least fliptop lines give me some break. c:

FORMSPRING:D

LOL. my formspring is really at mess c:

OWWW YESSS.

i was suppose to attend the EElympics at Lyceum
but suddenly laziness strikes again.
i was totally preoccupied with my school mess,
and i don't have any strength to stand up from bed.
the feeling of loneliness still lingers on my veins.
i didn't attend the event and do my lazy regular day.
nothing so special.
net surfing, facebooking, page hopping, etc.
but this night is kinda special than ordinary c:
i found out that my big crushhhhhhhh :"> is online !
even if he don't talk to me.
i still felt some happiness over me. c:
owwww yessss.
at least there's a person who can cheer me up.
just seeing your name on my chatbox,
and for the fact that you're still awake just like me,
ohhhh that feel so special.
i feel so happy.
thanks CRUSH! :">

I EAT BECAUSE..

yesterday, i woke up feeling so depressed.
i'm feeling self pity more and more.
i was crying.
wishing and praying that everything went good as i want it to be.
thoughts are running through my mind.
it's really a heavy feeling.
i tried to smile and go on.
but today.
it grew worse.
i never expect this feeling.
torn and worn out.
inside and out.
emotional and physical.
what hurts the most is, NO ONE REALLY CARES!
everybody were fucked up in their own groups.
everyone laughs as if i'm not there.
if they only knew how envy i was.
and so..
i went home.
i went home all alone..
i managed to hold my tears while i'm riding my way home.
and so.
i eat. i eat until i'm full.
i eat until i feel bloated.
i eat until there's no space left inside my tummy.
i eat because i'm lonely.
i eat because i'm alone.
i eat because i have no one to lean on.
i eat coz i'm TORN.
yeah i'm TORN. :(

BEING ALONE.

you know what's damn?
when the friends you got turn their backs.
as if they never knew you.
as if they were never your friends.
as if you're not here.
you're putting efforts but still it's unseen.
you don't know the reason behind it.
you don't even have the chance to ask what's going on.
it suck.
this feeling really is frustrating.
heartbroken hurts.
but this one kills.
feeling of deserted.
feeling of alone.
no one to cheer you up.
no one cares for you.
and this is really a damn.
it's a big DAMN! :(

CONFUSED.

i don't really understand, why am i feeling this way.
everything seems fucked up.
everything seems messed up.
i don't know what's the problem w/ myself.
i'm too stubborn.
i don't know why ~ i really really don't know.
it's just that, i'm feeling that i have no energy to move.
i'm telling myself that i should grow up.
that i should learn to be more responsible,
and more sensible in everything that i do.
careless and worthless. that's the sense i'm feeling right now.
question i don't know how to answer.
i'm in doubt that my parents nor my friend can help me out.
i'm by myself.
i'm gone.
i'm lost.
i'm confused.
MAY GOD BE THE LIGHT.

-zj